I'm reminded of why home is home, and the power of family. I guess I hadn't realized the extent to which my behavior changes when I'm not entirely comfortable. It's good to be home and to feel the relief of not having to make an impression on anyone. I can make random weird noises without getting quizzical looks. Nobody thinks twice when I just start to jump around for no apparent reason. It's perfectly natural to cuddle up in bed on a lazy morning with the dog and my MEW and just talk about family. I don't have to be anyone or anything, think about the future, or worry about what people will think of me. I'm just Megan, Meggsie, Meggers, Cat, Little One. I don't think I've been this happy in months.

I think what's striking me here is that I've always been independent and distanced myself from family. I've tried to minimize their importance in my life. But now, as my independence increases and I am entirely on my own, my family means more to me than ever before. This is, of course, only true on a rather selective basis, but even that is enough. I wonder if it isn't just that home is gaining the nostalgic glow of distance. I love Arlington, and am enjoying my life there, but there's something so comforting about being back in SoCal. It's relaxing. I can breath and just release the past three months of tension and self-doubt.

Of course, some of this sense of well being has got to come from just having people so happy to see me. Ah, the glory of distance. Aunt Mary barely stopped hugging me enough for me to get to bed, and Kelly was squealing in delight at the idea of hanging out tomorrow night. That's a rather nice feeling, just to be wanted and loved.

I keep asking myself why I left. I know it had to be, but it gets hard to think of going back as I sit here in the glow of love and sunshine.