Well, I had almost resurrected the weekend. I did manage to buy running shoes, and finally spent the Banana Republic giftcard. Then my hopes of actually seeing the boy evaporated and I got pissy. All of the things that have been upsetting me for so long finally came out, but he took it as an attack on his job. I think that maybe I've been more understanding and this has taken longer than it should have just because I was aware that that had been the bone of contention in his previous relationship. The trouble isn't that I resent his job though. It's that when I do see him, I don't really get the impression that he cares about me. I could put up with the job, it's just part of the package, but I need to know that I matter. I'm glad to be a low-maintenance girlfriend, but for the sake of my own self-respect I can't be zero-maintenance. I have to be more than just a convenience.

So now I can't get to sleep. I'm left here knowing that if I'm not happy, it's my own job to fix the situation, and hearing the voices of my friends in my head telling me that I deserve to be treated better. But that's somehow not enough. I want things to work out, and I want to be able to fulfill my own needs while being supportive and nurturing of this other human being. I don't know that there's a satisfactory solution.