Birthday post number 3:

I was surprised today to realize how much a person’s treatment of my birthday tends to affect my attitude toward them and toward our relationship. One of my favorite memories of Kelly involves the “birthday milk” excursion of 2002. It’s been endearing that Bryce has a hard time remembering dates, largely because he feels worse about it than he really should. My first year here in DC Lara and Sonali set a fabulous precedent through decorating our doors for our birthdays. It’s less a sense of making a huge deal of some one’s big day than it is just being kind and thoughtful, really a “do unto others…” kind of pattern.

This sort of pattern has held true for small things like people I consider friends, but by no means close, showing up to a birthday party or sending a card. There has also been a negative ramification. The roommate who caused the need for the birthday milk excursion thus lost the last shred of good will I had to offer. The boyfriend who couldn’t make it to the party gave a clear illustration of why things weren’t going to work out. Several friends have proven themselves to be less close than I had originally estimated through similar behavior.

I certainly try to maintain proper birthday form for my friends as well, but I now wonder how well I succeed in that endeavor. There are birthdays I remember, those I forget, and some that I treat with more importance than others. No birthday gift I’ve ever found for Bryce has lived up to those he buys me, and this year I’ve failed my sister entirely. I think the one that I do consistently well is Kelly, but we’ve also got an established pattern. I’m left to ponder how much our treatment of birthdays is really just a reflection of our attitudes toward others in general, and what it says about us as individuals.