So it turns out the when ex-boyfriends drunk dial you at three in the morning (even if it's midnight their time) you should keep the conversation short rather than taking up their invitation to ask them anything. The result of my conversation with Steve at 4:00 AM while I was dead tired but unable to sleep and he was completely wasted? I feel dirty, cheapened, violated, used, and revolted. I'm finally learning that the side of him I always thought was more of a joke than anything was the reality of his personality, and that the sweet, vulnerable, thoughtful guy I dated was just a hoax. He really is an immature asshole at heart. On the upside I can pretty much bank on the fact that he remembers nothing of what was said and that he's having a hellish hangover today.

The conversation got bad enough that after we hung up I called him back to tell him that it was my turn to be truthful. After his sexual revelations I thought it would be only fair to let him know that I had never really had feelings for him. Unfortunately, he had passed out by that point and didn't answer. Now I think I've lost my nerve. I can't seem to decide whether I'm justified in being mad at him, or if I should just be angry with myself. I can tell you one thing, the likelihood that I'll let another guy touch me any time soon has greatly diminished.

Now I have the problem that I'm still attached to the Steve I thought I knew. He was a good friend. However, if that Steve doesn't actually exist, how do I fight my urge to communicate, thus enabling me to cut ties with this new jackass Steve entirely?

For now I'll just resist the urge to leave him voicemails where I scream at him to fuck off. I think it's time for a walk.