Reflections on my visit to Santa Barbara:

1. I’m reminded of a conversation I had with Bryce our freshman year at Davis. Somewhere in the process of moving away from home we lose that sense of belonging to a place. I don’t belong to California anymore, and it no longer belongs to me. However, VA has not stepped up to replace it. Basically, there is no longer a sense of home, and it’s a bit frightening to think how much of our lives are going to be spent in the search for the people and places that create that illusion for us again.
2. Seeing Vanessa again I finally came to terms with the fact that we are no longer friends. Whatever bond we had has been dissolved and we’re left with the fact that we never had much in common in the first place. It’s just hard to see some one to whom I was so close become so distant. I have this feeling that I just don’t know her at all anymore, but I still know her all too well. Basically the point of this is just to stop feeling bad about the whole situation. She can do what she wants with her life, but I don’t have to be there to watch it.
3. Happiness seems truly to be the best beauty product available. Katrina looked amazing, and I finally understand what it means for a person to glow. I’ve never seen her so happy and healthy looking. She was absolutely gorgeous. The wedding was lovely and she and Dan just could not stop smiling. After the negativity over Vanessa and Kris, it just felt good to just be genuinely happy for these two amazing people who happened to have been lucky enough to find each other.
4. Being the tallest girl at a wedding is pretty helpful in catching the bouquet.
5. For the fist time in my life I felt like the most together and independent of my friends. Looking at the state I’m in, that’s kind of frightening.
6. Even though I’m ok with being single, I think I’m getting to the point where my old friends consider that a glitch that needs to be fixed. Or maybe I was just reading too much into a dirty look from Vanessa. I probably shouldn’t put too much store in her impression of my love life anyway. But then the reasons for that aren’t worth discussing either.
7. I went through peeks and valleys, sometimes joyous and others isolated. I loved spending time with Kelly, and it was great to see April, but it was astounding how quickly I could feel marginalized and out of place. I know those are my own head problems though, and I’m wondering if I should try seeing some sort of therapist.
8. Unitarian marriage ceremonies are kind of weird.
9. I miss the colors of California. It was so nice to be there when everything’s in bloom. The Jasmine smelled better than I remembered. The roses were like something out of an impressionist painting. The poppies reminded me I was home. I never realized how much I’d taken lilies for granted. And bougainvillea could be second to Mexican food as the inanimate object most lacking in DC.
10. Carnitas could possibly be the best food ever to cost so little.

There might be more later, but this is enough for now.