A lot of girls are afraid of turning into their mothers. For me, it's my father. I think that's why I fight the kind of feelings I'm currently experiencing, and force myself into social situations. Most of the time all I really want to do is hide under a rock. I feel so out of place, even when I've planned an event and surrounded myself with good friends. This goes back to the feeling of having created a veneer of happiness and friendships to hide the scared, insecure little girl cowering inside of me. Is it good that I try to give greater voice to the push for friends and a full life, or is it making me artificial? Should I continue to try to squash the part of me that wants to hide in my room with a bottle of wine, or should I just give in and accept the fact that I'm going to die alone, friendless, and with far too many cats?

I just want to reach a point in my life where I don't constantly feel the need to justify myself.