What if I don't like the fact that I'm a critical cynical person? I know that I am, but it still hurts to hear it from others. The funny part here is that I'd rather be this person I am than most of the alternatives. So what do I do? I feel as though I'm already fairly open to life and its possibilities, but I also seem to be terribly judgmental. Is it that I have standards about which I'm hypocritical, or that I'm afraid of the person I've spent so much of my life trying not to be? It's quite clear that regardless of the origins, this behavior builds a wall in my life, and in the relationships I have with others. Is there really any way of knowing what that impact has been and whether it has been for the better? I truly love most of the people I have in my life, but realize that regardless of how open I am, I tend to remain emotionally inaccessible. This is why it was so liberating to ignore my own better judgment and let myself fall head over heels for Chris, but I guess that's really not worth talking about.

For the most part, I've gotten to the point where I'm finally ok with myself, but does that translate into an offputting exterior? I like who I am, but this problem of being hyper-critical makes me wonder whether I should. What would I think if I met me on the street?