Funny, the more introspective I become the more I realize that I'm more shallow than I like to believe. The most recent topic to point this out concerned my friends, and what causes me to like some one versus rolling my eyes when they speak to me. Lord knows that I'm nothing special. Why should I have this reaction to people who are no better or worse than I am, and have the same potential in life?

So I started thinking, and came up with the fact that it's primarily important to me that my friends have some definable aesthetic of which they're aware. It requires a certain commentary and distance, the ability to view their lives as the canvas and themselves as the painter. This is true of Kelly, Bryce, April, Eliza, Vanessa, and (to a lesser extent) Steve and both Daves. When I think of people like my sister or Janice who have tried so hard and do have a fair amount to offer, what I come to is they are more tools, the blind masses being led by the influence of what they think they should be, and what others tell them is cool. There is essentially no greater difference between them and the Britny-ites than the source of their validation.

Having come to this conclusion, I've begun to wonder if what I value in people isn't simply a certain self-awareness. I appreciate people who have enough critical distance on themselves and their actions to have an inner monologue that might actually be worth hearing. Thus my love of Bryce's blog.=) I think that this is why I will always have sarcastic, cynical, intelligent, snarky friends.

So now I wonder, is there really anything wrong with this? I guess that on one level, there is the universal right for one to choose their friends. However, there really isn't much of an excuse for the feeling of superiority. My immediate family has always kind of considered me the snob of the group. I suppose that on some level this is true, but what do I do about it? Shallow is still shallow whether it applies to appearance or intelligence, or sense of humor. The only answer I can really think of is to do my best to always keep these prejudices in mind and be sure that I do not act upon them. I need to continue to try to be a decent person to Therese and Janice and others. It'll be my penance for the sin of pride. And maybe some day I'll be able to genuinely enjoy and appreciate these people I try to love.