The funny part about having deemed myself undatable is that it forces me to accept the emotional numbness with which I'd been so dissatisfied a while back. I don't really miss the person or the relationship that broke me out of that state to begin with, but I do miss actually feeling something. The rush of falling head over heels stupid for another person and the pain of losing them were both refreshing compared to the feeling of just floating along aimlessly. I suppose the current malaise has something to do with my feeling that I've lost pieces of myself over the past year. Being emotionally numb blends in with the overall graying of my life and personality. So much that I like about myself has been buried or forgotten.

This summer's project is to reclaim my life and my soul. They've disappeared somewhere. In the meantime, a state of being that I'd previously labeled unacceptable has become (temporarily at least) entirely necessary.